The transition to High School is big – 5 Mistakes Parents (and Schools) Often Make

IN THIS ARTICLE:

✅ Understand why the transition from primary to high school is one of the biggest emotional leaps for young people.
✅ Learn what the research says about the stress and anxiety this change brings.
✅ Discover five proven strategies that help students move into high school with confidence, calm, and clarity.
✅ See how MyStrengths’ Transition Program is helping Year 6 students thrive.

By Dan Hardie
Founder, MyStrengths Australia

The biggest change in their life so far

For many young people, the move from primary to high school is one of the biggest changes a child will face – and it shows.

High school comes with a series of brand new challenges and research shows that anxiety increases by almost double in the 6 month transition into Year 7. For most, they are moving from small school to big; from one teacher to many; from being known personally to being one number amongst hundreds. Add to that changes in friendships, anxious about fitting in, being thrust into unknown classes, and the biggest one, school-work pressure.

All of this sits on top the internal chaos that puberty can bring, with huge growth spurts, emotional turmoil, pruning of neural pathways, changes in physical appearance, sudden self-consciousness and new awareness about body and image, and the start of their sexual alertness (seriously, who would want to be a tween today!?).

Tweens need support and help like at no other time in their life.

As a teen therapist and the founder of MyStrengths, my team and I are passionate about helping young people navigate these tricky years with courage, vision, and hope — knowing that they are beautiful and amazing just the way they are.

What the Research Shows

Australian studies confirm what parents and teachers already see: the Year 6 → 7 transition is one of the most vulnerable periods for student wellbeing.

• A 2023 ReachOut survey found that almost half of Australian teens experience very high levels of study-related stress, with spikes during times of transition and assessment.

• A NSW Department of Education study found a significant decline in belonging, motivation, and effort as students enter Year 7.

• A Western Australian review found that many students experience increased anxiety and decreased confidence, but wellbeing outcomes improve dramatically when schools offer structured, relational transition programs.

Here Are 5 mistakes to avoid – and what to do instead

Over the past decade of working with thousands of students and developing the MyStrengths framework, I’ve noticed clear patterns in what helps — and what doesn’t — during the move to high school.

❌ Mistake 1: Trying to Fix Everything

As adults, we’re tempted to rush in and “fix” everything.
We want to calm their nerves. We want to fix their friendships. We want to email the school about class placements, sign up for extra tutoring “just in case,” or smooth every bump before it happens.

Our intentions are good — we want to protect them from discomfort, disappointment, and self-doubt. But sometimes our eagerness to help sends the message that anxiety or sadness is something to avoid rather than understand.

✅ Better: Resist the urge to fix. Acknowledge that it’s normal to feel anxious, uncertain, or even sad about leaving primary school. When we validate feelings, kids learn that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable — and that they can get through it.

Tip: Tell yourself and your tween, “This might be hard, but in this family, we can do hard things.”

❌ Mistake 2: Letting Our Own Stress Spill Over

Let’s be honest — the transition to high school can be stressful for parents too! New uniforms, new routines, worrying about friendships, rising costs, uncertainty and our own worries if it’ll go ok — it’s a lot.

The truth is, kids absorb our emotional temperature. If we seem anxious or tense, they pick that up instantly.

✅ Better: Model calm confidence. Remind yourself (and them) that they’ve handled change before and will again. Talk aloud about the changes you’re managing and show that you can take it in stride.

Tip: Keep home routines steady in Term 1. A calm household helps them recharge from the daily adjustment.

❌ Mistake 3: Putting All Their Friendships into One Basket

Parents often worry about “Will they find friends?” — and rightly so. But sometimes we place too much pressure on one friendship circle: the school group. The problem is, if it takes a little while to find their people or when that friendship group falters, it can feel like their whole world collapses.

✅ Better: Encourage multiple circles of belonging — sport, music, youth group, cousins, neighbourhood friends. These broaden their identity and buffer them against social setbacks.

Tip: Keep up extracurricular activities and schedule small catch-ups with primary school friends who’ve gone elsewhere. Familiarity brings comfort amid change.

❌ Mistake 4: Focusing on Weaknesses Instead of Strengths

Our culture has become obsessed with fixing faults. From reports to behaviour cards, kids are constantly shown where they fall short — what needs “improvement,” what’s “below expectations,” what’s “not quite good enough.”
We do it with good intentions. We want to help them avoid failure, embarrassment, or shame. We say things like, “If you just worked on this…” or “You need to try harder in that…” thinking we’re protecting them from struggle.

But here’s the irony: an obsession with weakness doesn’t protect our kids — it often amplifies their anxiety. It teaches them to scan for what’s wrong instead of recognising what’s strong.
For a tween already stepping into the unknown world of high school, that hyper-focus can flip their brain into panic or stress overdrive — “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never keep up,” “Everyone’s better than me.”

A 2015 study found that students who focused on strength-based learning — identifying what they do well and building from there — showed significantly higher motivation, effort, and belief in themselves.
When young people discover their strengths and focus on them — their kindness, curiosity, creativity, humour, determination and so much more — they begin to form a positive identity that is resilient under pressure. They realise that they don’t need to be good at everything, but have plenty going for them. They see that each person is unique with different talents, skills, ways of relating, learning and showing up. If we focus and talk more about strengths and competencies, their confidence grows. Clarity grows. Hope grows.

✅ Better: Catch them doing something right. Celebrate small wins and character strengths like perseverance, creativity, or empathy. When kids are recognised for what’s good, they don’t become complacent — they become courageous.

Tip: Catch them doing something right.

❌ Mistake 5: Leaving Wellbeing to Chance

We often assume resilience will just “kick in,” or that orientation day is enough. But research shows that explicit wellbeing programs help students adjust faster, form friendships, and thrive academically.

✅ Better: Engage with structured wellbeing and strengths programs that build self-understanding and optimism before high school begins.

That’s exactly why we created the MyResilience Year 6 Transition Program — a fun, evidence-based experience helping students identify their Top 5 strengths, boost confidence, and develop language for who they are.

Our Year 6 Transition Program helps students:
✅ Identify their Top 5 personal strengths.
✅ Learn the 4 Things Resilient People Do.
✅ Develop self-belief and more confidence
✅ Strengthen hope and optimism as a better approach for what’s ahead.

Tip: Ask your school if they’re running a strengths or wellbeing program this year — or explore options that give your child this kind of empowering experience.

What Schools Are Seeing

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Our Year 6 students absolutely loved discovering their strengths and doing the resilience activities. It gave them language to describe themselves and a boost of confidence before heading off to high school.”
— Primary School Wellbeing Coordinator, NSW

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“This workshop helped our kids feel ready and excited rather than nervous. Parents said the dinner-table conversations that night were full of pride.”
— Assistant Principal, VIC

Summary: Start High School Strong.

Every child deserves to begin high school with confidence, belonging, and hope.
When parents and schools work together to give students space, calm, connection, and a sense of their strengths, the difference is remarkable.

The leap from primary to high school will always be big — but with the right support, it can also be beautiful.